What Lies Beneath

Have you ever thought that you knew yourself, only to be surprised to find out that you really didn't?

When I was younger I had some character flaws that I'm not so proud of now. To be honest, they're still there, but I've been struggling for most of my adult life to overcome them. I've attempted to be a good wife and a good mom. I desire to live in a manner that will make people wonder where my source of strength comes from. I long for people to see that if there is anything good in me that it is because of the transforming power of the Holy Spirit in me. Galatians 5:22&23 say, "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control." So to the best of my abilities and by the grace of God, that is how I try to live.

There are times however, when I'm caught off guard. Times when I believe that God has allowed certain circumstances to happen so I will remain humble. So that I will not forget who and what I really am!!! Because the truth of the matter is that I'm a sinner! And I can lose my temper and say the most horrible things just as easily as the next guy (or girl) can. All it takes is one split second, one blip on the radar of life's screen, and I've gone from the person who would never hurt a fly to a monster who lashes out and destroys with her tongue! Romans 7:18&19 say, "I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do- this I keep on doing."

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I know the real me! I know of the sin that lies beneath. I know all the damage that my wretched ways have caused. I can only ask for God's forgiveness for what I have already done. And ask that He will be merciful in healing any hurt and brokenness that I have caused.

In spite of the ugliness that I know that I have been and still am capable of, I know that all is not lost. Philippians 1:6 says, "...being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." So although on my own I would be hopeless mess, I have been given the grace of God to forgive me. And not just to forgive, but to mold me and shape me into the very person that I have been trying to be for so long.

Thank You God that as long as you give me breath I have with each new day the opportunity to become closer in my walk with you. Thank you that you are merciful to me and allow me to see that if I were left without your guidance I could not change. I could not and would not be able to fulfill the purpose that you placed me on this earth for. To be a light in a dark world. To draw others to you. That is my deepest desire, and I pray that You will do all that is necessary to accomplish that in my life! AMEN!

For Better or For Worse

I've noticed that I've been feeling stronger lately. More secure in who I know that God has made me. I've been praying more than ever, and in answer to those prayers God has been faithful to give me strength to endure. He's increased my faith. He's growing my ability to love in ways that I never thought was possible. And I have been so thankful. So blessed. And joyful in spite of what most people see as a very bad situation.

Funny thing, though... my feelings have a tendency to sneak up on me and hit me smack in the heart when I least expect it. I forget that I'm human. A memory will overwhelm me, or a bit of news will take me by surprise, and then KABOOM, I'm flat on the ground. Again.

And then, a moment comes when a car goes barreling through a red light into the intersection that I should have been driving through. Out of the corner of my eye I saw that the light had changed to green. But I was tired, so I didn't get moving as fast as I normally would have. Thank you God for letting me be tired!

I realized something very important in that moment. Just like that, my life could have been over. I'm not guaranteed tomorrow or even five minutes from now. Or for that matter, not even five seconds. I also realized that I only have this moment to do what God has called me to do, so I better use wisely whatever moments He sees fit to give me!

2 Corinthians 4:16 & 5:9&10 say, "Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. So we make it our goal to please Him, whether we are at home in the body or away from it. For we must all appear before the judgement seat of Christ, that each one may receive what is due him for the things done in the body, whether good or bad."

I guess what I'm trying to say is that this life is short. It will be over in the blink of an eye. What I do in this short life on earth will impact my existence in heaven forever. So even if this life is not what I hoped for, I will still ask God to help me live in a manner that will bring Him glory. I will accept what I have been given, for better or for worse.

Lord, I know that I am a mere human being. Who am I to expect anything from You? And yet you still love me! Thank You Lord for giving me another moment to live in. Please let me use each and every day that You give me as wisely as possible. And please allow me to love as You love, wholly and unconditionally so that people will see what a loving Father you are! AMEN!!!

This World Isn't Purrfect

It was about a year ago when we adopted our cat Teddy. I'm used to cats because we had a few when I was growing up. But Megan and Josh haven't had one before. I forgot about that. One night not long after we got him, Megan called out to me in a panicked voice. She sounded like she could burst into tears at any moment. So I went as quickly as I could into her room. Megan said, "Mom, what's wrong with him? He's making a funny noise!!" Well of course, being the rock steady personality that I am (WHATEVER!!!!) -- I mean being the worry wart that I am, naturally I leaned close to Teddy and listened with baited breath.

After a minute or so, I began to chuckle, and ever so slowly I began to laugh harder and harder until I had tears rolling down my cheeks. Indeed the noise was nothing to be concerned about! It was only Teddy purring! After I quit laughing long enough to take a breath, I was able to explain to Megan that a purring sound meant that he was happy- not that there was something wrong with him!

I was reminded of that today when I saw Megan holding Teddy. And I realized that Megan was scared of the sound because she didn't know what it was. She was scared of what she didn't understand.

Even we as adults are scared of things that we don't understand. Take for instance the circumstances that I'm in now. If I stop and think long enough about all the "what-if's" , I could scare myself half to death. There are so many possible outcomes that I can get my brain all in a twisted muddle trying to figure out what could happen if this occurred, or if that were to happen. And then don't even get me started on when I think about what I would have to do to adapt in each situation.... It makes me dizzy just thinking about how I think about things!

And I don't know about you, but another thing that I don't understand is death and heaven. I'm finding out that the more I learn, the more questions it leads to. I'm a person who likes to understand things, so when I figure out that in essence, I really know nothing, that can be a little overwhelming.

But, even though this world isn't "purrfect", I know Someone who is!!!! Isaiah 26:3&4 say, "You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in You. Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord, the Lord, is the Rock eternal." And Isaiah 55:8&9 say, " 'For My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways', declares the Lord. 'As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.' ".

I may not understand everything that happens in my life. I might not be able to give my kids the best reason why "bad" things happen. And I most certainly don't know everything there is to know about what life in heaven will be like. But I do know that God knows ALL of the answers! So when my mind starts to race with all the what if's, I can tell my inquiring mind to take a break!! And instead of worrying myself sick, I can "cast all of my anxiety upon the Lord, for He cares for...." me." (1 Peter 5:7) And you! And our kids, and our parents, and our aunts and uncles, and our cousins, and our grandparents, and our friends and our pastors, and, well.... You get the drift!!

Lord, thank You that You are my Rock Eternal! Thank You that You don't allow me to know everything there is to know because You know all too well that my puny little brain wouldn't be able to deal with all of it! Please help me to learn to cast all of my anxiety on you, because I know You can handle what I can't! And Lord, please help others to see that I alone can't have the "peace that passes understanding" without You! I love You, Lord, and am so greatful that You love me enough to carry me through all of the moments in this life that are too hard for me to go through alone! AMEN!

The Upside of Being Last

I've been doing some self-examination lately. I've realized that I have a tendency to want to be helpful to others. That doesn't seem like such a bad thing. But in the world's eyes I have been categorized as a "people pleaser". People that are determined to be a part of this group are often seen as overly self-sacrificing. To the point that they become doormats for other people to trample all over. I can see how that could very easily happen. After all, I have been a people pleaser. I had the best of intentions, but not the right focus.

In Matthew 20:26-28 Jesus says, "Not so with you. Instead whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first must be your slave- just as the Son of Man did not come to be served but to serve, and to give His life as a ransom for many.".

Lately I've noticed that that if I see a need that someone has, or even if there is a small thing that I can do to make life easier for someone, I jump at the chance. I've considered the possibility that to these people I might seem like a typical "people pleaser". But that is not what is motivating me. The truth of the matter is that I know that there are so many people that I come in contact with that don't know Jesus. And I know that I'm not all that bold when it comes to telling people about how Jesus loves them so much that He died on the cross for their sins. Instead, I think that God is using me in a different way. I hope that people will see that the things I do are done out of love. And that the love that drives me to serve can only come from one source: God Himself. Because God is love.

As 1 Corinthians 9:22b&23 say, "I have become all things to all men so that by all possible means I might save some. I do all this for the sake of the gospel, that I may share in it's blessings." I want to be used by God whenever and however He sees fit. I want to lay down all my selfish desires and instead be willing to see that other people's needs are met. Jesus washed the feet of His disciples. If He allowed Himself to be humbled like that to show His love, then I most certainly should be willing to follow His example!

Precious Lord, I want to be last so that You can be glorified! Give me a servant's heart so that You can pour out Your love on those who have not trusted You as their Savior! AMEN!

This side of the Fence

I've realized something. It's not really all that new to me, but it made an impact on me none the less. For far too long, I was straddling the fence. What fence you ask? Well, let's just say that on one side of the fence is the person that I should be, and the other side is who I'm striving not to be!

That fence got pretty comfortable for awhile. I couldn't make up my mind what I wanted. I was pulled in one direction, knowing that what was best for me was on that side. On the other hand, or side in this case, was what seemed like the easiest way to live. Who wants a life filled with struggle? Who wants a life where all the right decisions you make cause you to be persecuted all the more? Who wants people to look at them like they're an absolute fruitcake because they do things completely opposite of everyone else? Well for awhile, I wasn't sure that's what I wanted, so instead of making a decision one way or the other, I just sat there. Like a bump on a log (oops, I mean fence).

But wouldn't you know it, that fence wasn't fun to sit on for a long period of time. With every day that went by, I could feel that I needed to make a decision one way or the other! So now I had to decide who I was going to listen to. The world tells me to live for myself and not care about how my decisions affect me and other people. Just do what feels "right". God tells me to live a life that is contrary to my human nature. He calls me to love others even if they hurt me. He calls me to give up what is considered treasaure in this life to gain treasure in Heaven. He asks me to take up my cross and follow Jesus, denying all of my self-centered desires.

1 John 2:15-17 says, "Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For everything in the world- the cravings of sinful man, the lust of the eyes and the boasting of what he has and does- comes not from the Father but from the world. The world and its desires pass away, but the man who does the will of God lives forever." Did you catch that last statement? It sure caught my attention!

Some day " the Lord Himself will come down from heaven, with a loud command, with the voice of the archangel and with the trumpet call of God, and the dead in Christ will rise first. After that, we who are still alive and are left will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And so we will be with the Lord forever." ( 1 Thessalonians 4:17&18)

My decision really wasn't so difficult after all. Yes, it's true that I may have to endure through things that are painful for me, but so does everyone else. It's how I deal with those things that matters in the end. Or should I say that it's deciding to follow God's leading instead of giving in to my human nature. When Jesus comes back, I know what side of the fence that I want to be on!!! Do you?

Lord, I can't possibly live every day the way that You have called me to without Your help! I need You! I ask for Your strength, Your wisdom, and Your love to share with others. Help me not to live asking what is best for me in this life, but desiring to live my life knowing that the true reward is in Heaven. AMEN!!!!

Link by Link

I feel like I'm stuck. Like I'm getting nowhere fast. As if I have these invisible walls around me that are preventing me from reaching my destination. I feel like a prisoner....

Why you may ask, am I feeling this way? Because I'm impatient. I want things to change right now! I don't want to have to feel hurt anymore. I'm tired of crying. And I'm torn between doing what I know I should do and what I feel like doing. If I'm completely honest there are times when I just don't want to do what I know is right. But then that means that I am being self-centered. Not God-centered. And how do things ever change if the changes aren't brought about by God?

I am finding that my suffering is worthwhile. That my pain is not in vain. That God will further His kingdom, somehow, some way, not in spite of, but through my trials.

Philippians 1:12&13 says, "Now I want you to know, brothers, that what has happened to me has really served to advance the gospel. As a result, it has become clear throughout the whole palace guard and to everyone else that I am in chains for Christ."

You see, the truth of the matter is that I am not in "prison" just because life handed me some lemons along the way. No siree!! I am in chains because God has a master plan. There have been many difficult times in my life. Things that I have only overcome because of the grace of God. And things that God knew He would use to help someone else going through similar circumstances. Each of those trials has become a link. Link by link, they have joined together to make a chain.

I can look at this one of two ways. I can be chained as a prisoner in a dungeon of my own making. Or I can allow my chains to connect me to Jesus. In my suffering, I can choose to find joy. Joy in knowing that my trials are only for a short time. Joy in understanding that God already knows the people whose lives will be changed because of what they see God doing in my life. Joy in the promise that when this life is no more, I will be in the presence of my Heavenly Father, who will wipe away every tear.

So I will say with Paul, "Yes, and I will continue to rejoice, for I know that through your prayers and the help given by the Spirit of Jesus Christ, what has happened to me will turn out for my deliverance." (Philippians 1:18&19). And not only for me, but for as many as can be reached with Your love, precious Lord! AMEN!!