The End of the Road

It will never cease to amaze me how one single day can have so many ups and downs. How so many emotions can be felt within a matter of hours, or sometimes even mintues.

Those who know me best are keenly aware of my already emotional nature. To be completely honest, sometimes it drives me batty that I can laugh one minute and then cry the next. And I am often carried away by my emotions. (I am learning that there are times when it's a good thing that I feel so deeply. But I have to be cautious about being ruled by my feelings too.)

Today my emotions got taken for quite a ride. To start out with as I was driving to drop off Meg and then on my way to work, I remember feeling thankful that I was not one of many cars that I saw in the ditch due to poor driving conditions. And yet, as I pulled into work and went running to the time clock, only to punch in a minute late, I was griping instead of being thankful that I had made it safe and sound. But it's funny, now that I think about it, because as I was driving, I remember thinking how it could only take a second, and I could get into a wreck and then nothing else that was going on in my life would matter because my life could be over just that quickly. But I'll come back to that.....

As the morning went on, I found that I was very much enjoying myself talking with the people that I work with, and just being thankful that I have work to do and a good place to do that work in. Then the worry of driving again in poor conditions. Next stop is picking up the kids and laughing my head off at a silly friend. Then comes a call where I get my rear end chewed off for nothing. And tears, streaming down my face from the sadness that turn into tears of gratitude when I hear a song that reminds me of God's unending and undeserved love for me. And then the tears of sadness again as thoughts of how I want my life to be enter the picture. And still crying, I pull up to the mailbox, find a Christmas card from a "Secret Santa" who has sent an unexpected gift, at which time the tears change from tears of sadness to tears of utter thankfulness. (By the way, I pray that whoever the Secret Santa may be, and all of the people who have helped me out in so many ways will be blessed immeasurably!) Later still, as I am shoveling, I am heavy-hearted at the thought of bearing burdens alone.

But then a moment of clarity comes, and I am reminded of a chapter in Ecclesiastes that my mom had suggested that I read. Chapter 9 verses 7,10,11, and 12 say this: "Go, eat your food with gladness, and drink your wine with a joyful heart, for it is now that God favors what you do. Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with all your might, for in the grave, where you are going, there is neither working or planning nor knowledge nor wisdom. I have seen something else under the sun: The race is not to the swift or the battle to the strong, nor does food come to the wise or wealth to the brilliant or favor to the learned; but time and chance happen to them all. Moreover, no man knows when his hour will come..."

That last verse is the a truth we all have to face. There will be an end of the road. No question about it. And all of the things that happen in a given day are just the twists and turns that occur in any road. The most important thing, I have come to realize, is that no matter what each bend in the road brings, it's how I deal with it that matters. I want to take each moment and live it to the fullest, whether I'm laughing or crying, loving or angry, or anything in between. Because each moment is a gift, and I can choose to see all the good God has given me no matter what my situation is. My greatest desire is that I hope that people will see by what God has done in my life that there is a Father in Heaven who wants to know them and love them too. And that the end of this road really is only the beginning....

Somebody's Nobody

I've been reading a book lately by Frank Peretti. It's called the Prophet. I've actually read this one before, but I have a tendency to go back and reread books that I love. And this was one of the ones that I loved!!! As you will see as I write more, I do not believe for a second that the timing of my re-reading this book is a coincidence!

The main character, John Barrett, is a news anchor, and he lives a life that is socially acceptable. His father, John Sr., is a Christian, and he speaks out against things that he knows are wrong in God's eyes. So needless to say, they don't agree on many things, and don't spend much time together. Jr. is often embarassed by the actions and words of his father, until one day his father dies and he starts digging into the details of his father's life. In his quest to find out who his father really was, he begins to see things from his Dad's point of view. Especially because somewhere along his journey to find things he didn't know, he starts to hear voices. What he hears are things that no one else can hear. There are cries of anguish and sorrow and loneliness that come from the very depths of the human heart. He hears things that in reality only God knows.

I myself know those cries, the ones that if one could actually hear them, would pierce even the hardest of hearts. Because I have felt the loneliness, the hopelessness, the agony of loss, the horrors caused by greed and selfishness. And in such a big world, who am I but a speck, a nobody. I've seen the eyes of others, and I know that I am not the only one to ever feel this way. Eyes are the windows to the soul. And even if a person's face holds a smile, underneath, every single one of us holds pain that is unspeakable to bear by ourselves alone.

You see, the truth is, that I am not nobody because I belong to Somebody. And He sees all the hurt that I try to hide from everyone else. He sees when I am crying on the inside, but have to smile because it is not the time or the place to allow for weakness to show. He knows when I am at the end of myself, when I am so weak from grief that I can go no further, and gives me strength to go on when I can't do it alone. Psalm 142: 1-3 says, "I cry aloud to the Lord; I lift up my voice to the Lord for mercy. I pour out my complaint before Him; before Him I tell my trouble. When my spirit grows faint within me, it is You who knows my way." Isaiah 40:28-31 says, "Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and His understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles, they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint."

I may feel alone, but I'm not. And sometimes I feel like I don't matter, but I do. To God. And so does everyone else that ever was, is now, or ever will be. Song of Songs 8:6 & & 7 says, "Place me like a seal over your heart, like a seal on your arm; for love is as strong as death, its jealousy unyielding as the grave. It burns like blazing fire, like a mighty flame. Many waters cannot quench love; rivers cannot wash it away. If one were to give all the wealth of his house for love, it would be utterly scorned." He knows everything about us, our hopes, cares, worries, pain, and all of our mistakes. And He still loves us. We have the priveledge of being offered the gift of becoming a child of God. Nobody can love us better than He can!