The Wisdom of Being Foolish

I have been getting looks from people lately that can only be sending one message: "You belong in the looney bin!". It is hard for me to see people giving me those looks and not take it personally. But what I have chosen to do, I choose to do because I know it is what I am asked by God to do. I have decided that if God asks me to fight for a marriage that seems all but dead and gone, then I will do that. And I have also decided to tell people when they ask me why I am choosing to follow this path that it is because I would rather please God than please myself. I guess those two things alone are enough to make people think that I've lost all my marbles! I guess maybe if I didn't have the faith that I do, I probably would too.

But I will continue to be honest with people about my intentions nonetheless. 1 Peter 3:15-17 says, "But in your hearts set apart Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect, keeping a clear conscience, so that those who speak maliciously against your good behavior in Christ may be ashamed of their slander. It is better, if it is God's will, to suffer for doing good than for doing evil."

The way things are going right now, I might be getting those looks for a very long time. Because most of the things that God asks me to do go against everything that we as human beings think is right. And although I will mess up along the way, I fully intend to do my best to be obedient to God. And I hope that someday people will see God bring a miracle out of this otherwise hopeless situation. Well, let me rephrase that. I know that in whatever form it takes, God will make something beyond good out of this mess! And I would rather be considered foolish to the world and endure sadness for a time on Earth than to disappoint God for eternity. 1 Corinthians 1:25 says, "For the foolishness of God is wiser than man's wisdom, and the weakness of God is stronger than man's strength."

So, here's to being foolish....... :o)

Please God, help me not to be concerned with what others think of me. Help me to keep my focus on You and You alone in every decision that I make and every word that I speak! AMEN!

Abdicating the Throne

I have come to the conclusion that I may be a bit of a control freak. I'm not an organized person. I just don't like to be unable to make every piece of the puzzle of my life fit. My days don't usually go well when something unexpected (like life) happens. I'm not good with the unknown. I like to know what's coming at me so I can get a handle on the situation. So I can meet whatever problems come my way head on. And conquer them.

I talked to my pastor today, and he had a phrase for this behavior. I believe it was "sitting on the throne". At the time, we weren't discussing me, but upon further reflection, I have begun to understand that this is exactly what I have been trying to do. I have attempted to be Queen of my life. And let me tell you something- I make a lousy Queen!

Here are a few things I have realized....

First of all, life happens. There is nothing that I can do to change whatever events a day may bring. Whatever will be will be. And for me to get all bent out of shape over things isn't doing me or anyone else any good.

Second, I can't see the future. So, although things may happen to me that I don't care for, me being miserable or always being on the defensive will, well, just make me more miserable and defensive. In a sinful world, things are bound to not go the way I want them to. Why should I make myself crazy trying to wish that things were different?

Third, as my very wise friend pointed out, God is at work in every circumstance. Whether I like the way it looks or not, God is working on some aspect of my life at this very moment. God has plans for everything that happens to me. He has a goal in mind, and yes, eventually I want to get to that place. But my friend reminded me that if I am in a hurry to get to that place, I will miss out on everything that God wants to show me along the way. I wonder how much I've missed out on already because I was in such a hurry to get where I thought I should be????

And last but not least, the battle is the Lord's. 2 Chronicles 20:15 says, " 'This is what the Lord says to you: ' Do not be afraid or discouraged because of this vast army. For the battle is not yours, but God's.' ". I see with the eyes of a mere human. I can't possibly know what good God can bring out of this situation. And whether it's what I think would be best, or whether God has something completely different in mind, I know relinquishing my control to God is what's best for me. I will abdicate my throne to the One who knows me better than I know myself.

Mark 8:34-36..... " ' If anyone would come after Me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow Me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for Me and the gospel will save it. What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, yet forfeit his soul?' ".

Lord, I pray that You will help me to not miss anything that You have to show me and teach me as I make this journey. I don't understand everything, and I don't always like what I'm going through, but if it will help me trust You more, and help others to see how very real You are, then it will all be worth it! Keep me steadfast in this decision to give up control of my life to You. I do no good when I'm on the throne! AMEN!

Have No Fear

I didn't realize it until just recently, but the truth is that I can find something to fear in any given situation on any given day. I actually am constantly on my guard because I'm sure that something is going to go wrong. Alot of that has to do with that I have had alot of things go wrong in my life. Well, at least wrong as far as I'm concerned. So, as the saying goes, I'm always "waiting for the other shoe to drop". I don't want to hurt, I don't want to be rejected, I don't want to lose the things that are the most precious to me, and I certainly don't want to go through anything difficult for any length of time. I don't want to spend my whole life wishing that it was better.

But as my friend pointed out, that could very well be the case. And if I did, I wouldn't be the first to have a life like that. As she said, there were children who went through the holocaust that spent their whole lives being tortured and then they died in the concentration camps. And then the Israelites when they lived in Egypt were slaves, many of them for their entire lives. So why should I expect that I am any better? Why should I be guaranteed a life of blissful happiness? Well, like it or not, I don't have that guarantee, and as long as I'm on this earth, I won't. It's how I choose to live my life in spite of what is happening to me that matters.

Proverbs 3:3-7 says, "Let love and faithfulness never leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart. Then you will win favor and a good name in the sight of God and man. Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight. Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord and shun evil."

I may never understand why my life is what it is. I may never like what happens in my life. But what matters is whether I decide to not live in fear. I can choose to trust God even when I can't even begin to fathom what the purpose is for what I'm going through. Even when I want to scream at the top of my lungs that what I'm enduring is too much for me to bear. And although I have no idea what's in store for me at the next bend in the road, I can rely on God who is big enough to see the bigger picture. And I can look forward to heaven where God will wipe away every tear.

God, I will not pretend that I understand everything that you allow to happen in my life. And I will not pretend that I like it. But I do ask that You will help me to not be wise in my own eyes, but to look to you for understanding. And to trust you in whatever comes. AMEN!

Please Don't Rock the Boat

I've been doing alot of thinking lately. Scary, I know! :o)

In the past it's been so hard for me to understand why people aren't able to trust in God. I've wondered why they so easily put the blame on Him for everything that goes wrong in this world. I guess for most of my life I've seen that there is evil at work in this world and that there are bad things that are bound to happen as a result of that. So although I haven't liked much of what I've seen along the path of my life's journey, I've just accepted that this is what it is. That God is not at fault for things going wrong.

Ok, here comes the hard part.... Because this is where I admit that I've been questioning some of the things that I believed. I just have to make you aware that when I say that I have questioned, it is only because I have gone through such gut-wrenching, heart-breaking, I don't know how I'm still standing!, when will the tears stop pouring? days that now I am forced to confront my doubts. And admit that I am a human being. And like every other human being on the face of this earth, I am not going to understand everything that happens.

I was reading in Mark 4 about the disciples that were in the boat with Jesus. So I tried to put myself in their place. How amazing it must have been to be living, walking, eating, hearing God's very word, and spending every moment with the man they knew to be the living Son of God. Then one day, they set sail with their Lord in a boat. How could things get any better? I mean, what harm could possibly come to them when the one who raised Lazarus from the dead and turned water into wine was there to protect them? This is how I've pictured myself for years now.... in the boat with Jesus. Not afraid because I was certain that He would not allow me to be hurt.

Mark 4:37&38 say, "A furious squall came up, and the waves broke over the boat, so that it was nearly swamped. Jesus was in the stern, sleeping on a cushion. The disciples woke him and said to him, 'Teacher, don't you care if we drown?'." This is where I'm at right now. I've faced one too many squalls, and I'm asking Jesus, "Don't you care if I drown?" I don't know about you, but I don't like it when a boat rocks too much. I don't like to feel like I don't know what's going to happen when I'm in the middle of a storm.

I was talking to my Aunt just today about things that people go through that make them doubt God. She lost her son because someone chose to drive drunk. She went for years thinking that it was all God's fault. And then there was another person that came up in our conversation. I found out recently that this person was attending church, but then I also found out that they weren't really all that sure about God. They have doubts. It made me sad because I don't want anyone to doubt God. But then I realized: I have my doubts too. I struggle too. The truth is that when I go through things that feel like they're going to break me in two, I wonder what God is doing. I wonder why He allows me to go through so much hurt and pain and what it could possibly accomplish. It turns out that we're all in the same boat. You can't be human and not have questions. You can't be human and not get concerned when things seem like they're falling apart all around you. Or when a storm threatens to overtake your boat....

Mark 4:39-41 say, "He got up, rebuked the wind and said to the waves, ' Quiet! Be still! ' Then the wind died down and it was completely calm. He said to his disciples, ' Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith? ' They were terrified and asked each other, ' Who is this? Even the wind and the waves obey him!' ".

I guess that's what it all boils down to. Do you have faith, or don't you? I know that alot of people look at the Bible and think that it's just a bunch of stories. Why would you actually put faith in it? My answer is this: 2 Timothy 3:16 says that all Scripture is God-breathed. God inspired man to write these words so we could learn more about Him. And so that when we read all the stories about Moses parting the Red Sea, or Noah building the Ark, or Jesus calming the waves of the sea, we would understand what a powerful God He is. And if He is that great of a God, then we should be able to put our trust in Him. Even if we don't understand why we're going through one of life's many storms. There's a song by a group called 4Him. One of their songs goes like this: "And though down here I may not understand, I won't let go of the unseen hand; for it holds the reasons why." . I don't know, but God does. And I know whatever the outcome of the storm is, I can trust God. He knows everything about me and everything I feel- He made me after all (Psalm 139). If He cared enough to make me who I am, then I know that He cares about all the other details in my life as well. And that goes for everyone else who's in the boat too.

Please God, help me and all those that I know and love trust you in spite of our pain and suffering and all the questions that come as a result. Give us the faith that it takes to believe in you even when we can't see you. AMEN!

How Many Times?

Forgiveness. It is a subject that is that is all too often misunderstood or even just plain forgotten.

The fact of the matter is this: When someone does something hurtful to me, the last thing that I want to do is to forgive them... But then again, I think alot of that has to do with your definition of forgiveness....

Webster's dictionary defines the word forgive as: "To stop feeling angry or hurt by". If everyone were to live by this definition of forgiveness, I can see why it would be so hard to forgive. Let me clarify what I mean when I say this. I believe that once someone hurts you the memory of that hurt will always be there. So whenever a person recalls something done to them the feelings of hurt are bound to tag along.

On the other hand, there is the definition of forgiveness from Jesus' perspective. I remember learning a song when I was a kid. It's called "I've Been Redeemed". There are a couple of lines that keep coming to mind from this song. "I've been redeemed by the blood of the Lamb, safe and sanctified I am, all my sins are taken away, I've been redeemed." The one particular part of the verse is what makes me realize how Jesus views forgiveness. "All my sins are taken away". To me that means that as far as God is concerned they don't exist anymore. Now I know that we are humans. We can't be perfect like God is. I know at least for myself that I can't just pretend like hurtful things never happened to me. Because I am constantly reminded of them. They flash like scenes from a movie over and over again in my mind. However, God has given me a goal. In any given situation, I am asked to act in a manner that is as close as possible to how Jesus would act. And that means when I'm hurt by someone that I need to do my best to not hold a grudge. To love the person and accept them for who they are- no matter how they treat me!

I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, that's not possible. That's crazy talk! Why would you do that for someone who keeps hurting you? My answer to that is because that's what God keeps doing for me!! Matthew 18:21&22 say, "Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, 'Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?'. Jesus answered, 'I tell you, not seven times, but seventy seven times." A footnote to that verse clarifies that this term "seventy seven times" actually means "seventy times seven". Which, if you calculate that out, is 490 times. WOW!!! That is a whole lot of forgiving! I don't really believe that God wants us to count out each time that we forgive someone, and then when we get to # 490 then we are finished. No, I believe that we are called to forgive like He does. And His forgiveness knows no bounds.

Don't get me wrong! This whole forgiveness thing is something that I will wrestle with for all of the days of my life. Because I am still a human being, and I don't like to be hurt. And it is not easy for me to see things the way God does. But I can choose to. That is up to me. Forgiveness is a choice. Not an easy one. But possible!!!

Father God, thank you for not counting my sins against me. Thank you that you don't keep a record of my wrongs against you because the weight of them would flatten me into oblivion. Help me please, even when I do not feel like forgiving, to make the choice to forgive anyway. Even if it is seventy times seven..... times seven..... times seven.... times seven.... AMEN!!

Promises, Promises

The rug has been pulled out from under me one too many times. I am cautious to an extreme. You see, I must protect myself from being hurt again. So I build walls around my heart so no one can get in. Because I've let some people in and the results were crushing to my heart. Unfortunately, I can't protect myself from further hurt- anymore than I can keep myself from wanting to love and be loved. It is my nature to love because that is how God made me. And with each new attempt to open myself to love, I have the greatest of hope that this will indeed be the time that my hopes will be fulfilled. That my love will be returned. And although it is cliche', that my dreams will come true.

Time for a reality check!!! In my world, dreams don't come true. Promises get broken. And I end up in the fetal position, crying out, asking God to help me understand. Asking why things are the way they are. And if I'm honest, wondering why God allows me to go through all these difficult times.

But as a dear friend pointed out, the question is NOT why God allows me to go through difficult times. The real question is: Why does He do anything good for me at all? He is holy. I am sinful. He is just. I am rebellious. He is gracious and compassionate. I am judgemental and angry. He is faithful and I ... am not. He forgives and forgets. I remember all hurts and throw them back in a person's face. So why, oh why would I think that I deserve anything good from God?

And yet, He still loves me. Better yet, He does want to give me good things. And not just good, but the best! Jeremiah 29:11 says, " 'For I know the plans I have for you', declares the Lord. 'Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.' " Did you catch the part about "not to harm you"? When I'm going through tough times, I have a tendency to forget that part. And I want to be angry at God for how hard my life is sometimes. But how can I be angry at Him? What right do I have? I am the created and He is the Creator. Without Him, I am nothing and would have nothing! Instead of being angry and hurt, I need to be thankful. Because whatever it is that I might be going through, there is not a doubt in my mind that God has a purpose for it. Whether it's for me or for someone else, or both. And I am not big enough or smart enough to grasp even a fraction of what God has in the works.

So, even if I have to hurt to get to where God intends to bring me, then so be it. Because as a song on my blog says, He "will bring beauty from my pain". God's promises are always true, and will NEVER be broken!!!

God, forgive me for being so self-centered. Forgive me for thinking more of myself than I ought to. Remind me of who I am and where I came from. And thank you for loving me and wanting to give me good things in spite of all of that! AMEN!

Have Mercy!!!!

Just a quick note on a very important lesson that God has been impressing on me...

I have wanted to get revenge. There it is, the ugly, ugly truth that I have not been so quick to admit. I have been hurt deeply and often by someone. My anger has built up, and my flesh is calling for retribution! I want someone to pay for what they've done to me! I want them to see how they've hurt me! I want them to feel the way that I feel! I want justice!

Unfortunately if I'm honest with myself, I have done my fair share of hurtful things too. Even if it's not intentional, the fact of the matter is, I have. Romans 3:23 says, "for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God". I mean, who do I think that I am viewing myself as better than the next guy? I deserve the same treatment as anybody else who sins. But Romans 5:8 says, "But God demonstrates His own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us". Psalm 103:12 also says, "as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us".

Every day I am in need of his forgiveness. Every day I have to say, "Please God have mercy on me! Again!" I guess maybe I need to remember that since I need to be forgiven for so many things that I do wrong, that maybe I should show a little more mercy to others!

Father, help me not to hold so tightly to the hurts that are caused me by others. Help me to be like you and show compassion and love in spite of how I feel. Thank you that though I deserve nothing from you, you sacrificed everything, including your son for me! AMEN!

Marching Orders

I've had a bit of tough time today. I just couldn't seem to get a handle on anything. It did not go at all as I had hoped! Today is one of those days where I wish that I could have a little more control over my life. Oh, who am I kidding? I wish that I could have control. I want to take the lead. I want to determine how my days will be spent. I want to make sure that everything will go just as I had planned! I do not like to feel like everything is falling apart around me. I want to be able to do something about it. I want to be able to fix everything that is broken, and then maybe at the end of the night when I lay my head down on my pillow I would be able to sleep a little more peacefully!

WHATEVER! I don't know what I could possibly be thinking! Me, have control of my life? If I had control, everything would be more chaotic than it already is!! As a matter of fact, I happen to know that when I do try to take over, things have a tendency to go into a severe tailspin! So, who then should I be giving control to?

Well, for the answer let me refer you to Mark 14:36 when Jesus is praying in the Garden of Gethsemane, before he is arrested. Actually, just to give you an idea of the depth of his struggle with what he was about to face, I will back up a bit to verse 34 first. In it He says, " 'My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death.' " And now in verse 36 He says, " 'Abba, Father, everything is possible for you. Take this cup from me. Yet not what I will, but what you will."
Can you imagine, as much as we struggle with the decisions that we have to make that are hard for us, how Jesus must have felt when he had to decide to give up his very life for us? But He did decide to do just that! And when one of Jesus' companions took out his sword to keep Jesus from being arrested, Jesus told him in Matthew 26:53-54, " 'Do you think that I cannot call on my Father, and he will at once put at my disposal more than twelve legions of angels? But how then would the Scriptures be fulfilled that say it must happen in this way?' ". Jesus had his marching orders from God. And Jesus was willing to follow those orders, even to the point of death.

And I have mine too. I'm called to walk through life living as God has asked all followers of Christ to live. The cost of living that life is nowhere near what the cost was to Jesus. But I have been asked to take up my cross and follow Jesus. And that means that, as Jesus says in John 16:33, "In this world you will have trouble, but take heart for I have overcome the world". I want to have the attitude that Jesus had. He saw the greater purpose that God had in mind. Sometimes I struggle because I can't see God's purpose as clearly as Jesus could see the reason for his death on the cross. But I do know one thing. If I don't go through the difficult times in my life, I will not grow in my faith. And I will not become the person that God intended me to be. You see, God does not really need me. I need Him. It is a priviledge to be part of the plan that He is carrying out in my life. And I want to hang in there through whatever hard times I have to go through to be able to see God's plan accomplished!!!

Lord, help me to keep my eyes focused on heavenly things. As my dear friend pointed out, I long for heaven, but this is not it. So help me to live my life not for myself. I agree with Jesus when He said, "Not my will but yours be done"!!! AMEN!!!!!!