Promises, Promises

The rug has been pulled out from under me one too many times. I am cautious to an extreme. You see, I must protect myself from being hurt again. So I build walls around my heart so no one can get in. Because I've let some people in and the results were crushing to my heart. Unfortunately, I can't protect myself from further hurt- anymore than I can keep myself from wanting to love and be loved. It is my nature to love because that is how God made me. And with each new attempt to open myself to love, I have the greatest of hope that this will indeed be the time that my hopes will be fulfilled. That my love will be returned. And although it is cliche', that my dreams will come true.

Time for a reality check!!! In my world, dreams don't come true. Promises get broken. And I end up in the fetal position, crying out, asking God to help me understand. Asking why things are the way they are. And if I'm honest, wondering why God allows me to go through all these difficult times.

But as a dear friend pointed out, the question is NOT why God allows me to go through difficult times. The real question is: Why does He do anything good for me at all? He is holy. I am sinful. He is just. I am rebellious. He is gracious and compassionate. I am judgemental and angry. He is faithful and I ... am not. He forgives and forgets. I remember all hurts and throw them back in a person's face. So why, oh why would I think that I deserve anything good from God?

And yet, He still loves me. Better yet, He does want to give me good things. And not just good, but the best! Jeremiah 29:11 says, " 'For I know the plans I have for you', declares the Lord. 'Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.' " Did you catch the part about "not to harm you"? When I'm going through tough times, I have a tendency to forget that part. And I want to be angry at God for how hard my life is sometimes. But how can I be angry at Him? What right do I have? I am the created and He is the Creator. Without Him, I am nothing and would have nothing! Instead of being angry and hurt, I need to be thankful. Because whatever it is that I might be going through, there is not a doubt in my mind that God has a purpose for it. Whether it's for me or for someone else, or both. And I am not big enough or smart enough to grasp even a fraction of what God has in the works.

So, even if I have to hurt to get to where God intends to bring me, then so be it. Because as a song on my blog says, He "will bring beauty from my pain". God's promises are always true, and will NEVER be broken!!!

God, forgive me for being so self-centered. Forgive me for thinking more of myself than I ought to. Remind me of who I am and where I came from. And thank you for loving me and wanting to give me good things in spite of all of that! AMEN!