A Call To Persevere

I was putting some laundry in my kids drawers today. As I did, I was amazed at what I found in their drawers. I'm starting to think that maybe they're packrats. Of course if they are, they come by it naturally. I was the same way when I was a kid. In one drawer I found a bag with pennies, staples, thumbtacks, and cards. In another drawer I found papers galore. In yet another drawer there was a nail file. I should know by now not to be surprised when I find these things, but I must admit that I still am. Sometimes I'm even afraid to look in their drawers because in the past I have found "science experiments" that my daughter is in the process of working on.... or forgetting in her drawer.

It dawned on me while I was digging the more dangerous objects out of the drawer, that this is often how I approach life. I live in dread of what I'm going to find, or of the things that will happen that I don't want to happen.

Take for instance this morning at church. The pastor was preaching on Ephesians 5:22-24 which says, "Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything." And then he went on with verses 25-33. Verse 25 says, "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her...". Verse 28-29 say, "In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he cares for it and feeds it, just as Christ does the church." If I would have known what the sermon for today was, I might not have gone. This is a hugely painful subject for me. In all honesty, this is a part of the Bible that I have not known what to do with as it pertains to my life. As the pastor said, there are many women who go to marriage counseling who feel like they rank at the bottom of the list of their husband's priority list. And in turn they have a hard time submitting to their husbands. Personally, I don't believe that I even rank anywhere on my husband's list of priorities, and I haven't for a very long time. So to hear what the pastor was saying made me bawl like a baby. I want to be able to have that kind of relationship, but it is non-existent right now.

So, when I left the church, with tears still streaming down my face, I had to ask God what on earth I am possibly supposed to do in my situation. How can I apply those verses to my circumstances when I don't even have a relationship with my husband to work on? And then God impressed on me that I can still do what I am asked to do in spite of what someone else is not doing. I am asked to submit. Period. That means in whatever decisions that my husband makes, including whether we stay married or not.... And also to continue to submit no matter the length of time.

Why? Because of what Romans 5:2 -4 say. "... And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character hope." I have realized something very important... I am not doing this for my benefit or for my husband's benefit or even for our children. I am persevering because I know that if I choose to be obedient to God, then His plan and purpose will be accomplished. And I know that His plan and purpose include what is best for my family (Jeremiah 29:11).

I hurt deeply. I am wounded by all that I have had to endure. But so was Jesus and that didn't stop Him from following God's plan. His ultimate pain brought about our greatest joy. (Eternity in heaven.) This is difficulty for me. Some days I long to choose my own way.... But what I dream of and long for can't compare with God's plan for me and my family. Whatever that might be. I can't see the outcome of these days that seem so long now. But I know someday I'll be able to look back and see why God brought me through all of this. And the end result will be worth all that I have to go through now.

God, I beg you to help me continue to persevere in spite of the pain. And I pray that I am not the only one who will see the good that you will bring about. But I also pray that I will not live just in expectancy for the day that things will be different, but to live in the hope that you have given me for today and every day! AMEN!!