Do-Over

Have you ever had a moment where you said something terrible, and the moment after you say it you wish that you could take it back? Me? I've had plenty of those moments. Too many to count I'm sure. Unfortunately sometimes those moments of clarity don't come as quickly as I wish they would.

Yesterday I was playing volleyball. I haven't played in I don't even know how many years. To be honest, I wasn't even sure if I could remember how to hit the ball, but as the game got going I realized I could actually make a few somewhat decent hits. That is until I started flubbing everything up. And let me tell you, I don't like to mess up. I can be competetive to a fault. I don't often let it show, but I do not like to lose. And when I do there is no worse critic of myself than me. The problem, as in the case of yesterday, is how I choose to deal with my disappointment in myself. Let's just say that just about every time that I messed up I said the same two words repeatedly. And one of them wasn't a nice word...... I remember hearing a family member making a comment about those words coming out of my mouth. It should have become crystal clear at that moment that I was not behaving the way that I should have been. But, alas, I was not making light of the fact of the matter that sometimes I am pretty thick-headed. It did not even occur to me until today how much of a mistake I had made.

I had time to think this morning while I was getting some cleaning finished. I was kind of mentally reviewing the previous day as I often do. (Don't ask.... it's just a me thing.) Anyway, I realized that I blew it in a big way!!!! People know that I am a Christian. And there I was talking like a sailor. Obviously that's why that comment was made about the words that were coming out of my mouth. Oops!!!!!!!!!!! This is the part that I wished that I could have to do-over. Because if I could pick a moment from yesterday that I could fix, that would be the one.

I read a verse about this particular problem that I had yesterday. It's Proverbs 10:19, and it says: "When words are many, sin is not absent, but he who hold his tongue is wise." Oh how I wish I would have heeded that advice! But I didn't, I can't have a do-over, and I can't undo the damage that may have been done. All I can do is ask for God to forgive me, and somehow use me in spite of my faults.

I was also reading a book called "God Came Near" by Max Lucado. One particular chapter was about the nature of God, and how he forgets our sin. I was somewhat relieved when I read the following passage: "To love conditionally is against God's nature.... it's against God's nature to remember forgiven sins. You see, God is either the God of perfect grace.... or he is not God. Grace forgets. Period. He who is perfect love cannot hold grudges.....".

Have I asked him to forgive me for the lack of control over my mouth? You bet I have!!!! In spite of the fact that I know that God forgives me when I ask, I know that I can never be given back that moment yesterday to change it. But what I am hoping is that God will pick me up and shake the dust of my mistakes off of me and get me going in the right direction again. I will never be perfect, but I still hope that God will allow me the priviledge of him working through me. Because the truth of the matter is that I am a human being, and I will mess up, over and over and over and over and over..... well, you get the point. But God is still who he has claimed to be all along. I may be a failure, but he is not. And what I want more than anything is for people to see the true character of God revealed in me.

Thank you God for allowing me to see my mistakes and for loving me in spite of them. Somehow, someway, I pray that people will see you at work in my life and they will want more of you because of what they see. AMEN!