Do-Over

Have you ever had a moment where you said something terrible, and the moment after you say it you wish that you could take it back? Me? I've had plenty of those moments. Too many to count I'm sure. Unfortunately sometimes those moments of clarity don't come as quickly as I wish they would.

Yesterday I was playing volleyball. I haven't played in I don't even know how many years. To be honest, I wasn't even sure if I could remember how to hit the ball, but as the game got going I realized I could actually make a few somewhat decent hits. That is until I started flubbing everything up. And let me tell you, I don't like to mess up. I can be competetive to a fault. I don't often let it show, but I do not like to lose. And when I do there is no worse critic of myself than me. The problem, as in the case of yesterday, is how I choose to deal with my disappointment in myself. Let's just say that just about every time that I messed up I said the same two words repeatedly. And one of them wasn't a nice word...... I remember hearing a family member making a comment about those words coming out of my mouth. It should have become crystal clear at that moment that I was not behaving the way that I should have been. But, alas, I was not making light of the fact of the matter that sometimes I am pretty thick-headed. It did not even occur to me until today how much of a mistake I had made.

I had time to think this morning while I was getting some cleaning finished. I was kind of mentally reviewing the previous day as I often do. (Don't ask.... it's just a me thing.) Anyway, I realized that I blew it in a big way!!!! People know that I am a Christian. And there I was talking like a sailor. Obviously that's why that comment was made about the words that were coming out of my mouth. Oops!!!!!!!!!!! This is the part that I wished that I could have to do-over. Because if I could pick a moment from yesterday that I could fix, that would be the one.

I read a verse about this particular problem that I had yesterday. It's Proverbs 10:19, and it says: "When words are many, sin is not absent, but he who hold his tongue is wise." Oh how I wish I would have heeded that advice! But I didn't, I can't have a do-over, and I can't undo the damage that may have been done. All I can do is ask for God to forgive me, and somehow use me in spite of my faults.

I was also reading a book called "God Came Near" by Max Lucado. One particular chapter was about the nature of God, and how he forgets our sin. I was somewhat relieved when I read the following passage: "To love conditionally is against God's nature.... it's against God's nature to remember forgiven sins. You see, God is either the God of perfect grace.... or he is not God. Grace forgets. Period. He who is perfect love cannot hold grudges.....".

Have I asked him to forgive me for the lack of control over my mouth? You bet I have!!!! In spite of the fact that I know that God forgives me when I ask, I know that I can never be given back that moment yesterday to change it. But what I am hoping is that God will pick me up and shake the dust of my mistakes off of me and get me going in the right direction again. I will never be perfect, but I still hope that God will allow me the priviledge of him working through me. Because the truth of the matter is that I am a human being, and I will mess up, over and over and over and over and over..... well, you get the point. But God is still who he has claimed to be all along. I may be a failure, but he is not. And what I want more than anything is for people to see the true character of God revealed in me.

Thank you God for allowing me to see my mistakes and for loving me in spite of them. Somehow, someway, I pray that people will see you at work in my life and they will want more of you because of what they see. AMEN!

Ashes to Ashes, Someday I'll Bite the Dust

There are very few things that I am certain of. But one that I have no doubt about is this- someday I will take my leave from this world. I don't know the day, the hour, the minute, the second..... I don't know if I will be in my 30's or in my 100's. I don't know if I will have an illness, or if I will be in an accident, or if I will die in my sleep. But the fact of the matter is that someday, I WILL DIE!!! As a matter of fact, we all will.

What got me started on this morbid thinking you might ask? Well, I watched a movie called the Bucket List. I loved it because the men in it decided to live life to it's fullest before they couldn't anymore. But more than anything because it made me realize that I need to live every day as if it could be my last- because it could be!!!!! I also realized that the things that these men did before they died, like skydiving, and sitting on top of a pyramid, and attempting to climb a mountain are not on the top of my priority list. So then I started thinking, if I had a "Bucket List", what would be on it?

I would want to do as we are commanded in Ephesians to do. In Ephesians 4:2,26,27,29,31&32 it says, "Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace. In your anger, do not sin. Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold. Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you." These are the things that I want to attain in my lifetime. Not that I will ever be perfect, by any means. But I want to do all that I can to live a life that is pleasing to the one who gave me life eternal.

Even as I have listed all these things, I will make very clear that there is one thing that is the top banana on my list......

TO LET EVERYONE KNOW THAT JESUS DIED FOR THEIR SINS AND THAT WITHOUT HIS FORGIVENESS AND WITHOUT THE PENALTY THAT HE PAID FOR US, WE WOULD NOT HAVE ADMISSION INTO HEAVEN. THAT WE WOULD BE SEPARATED FROM HIM IN HELL FOR ETERNITY!

How can I be sure of this? Because of what I read in Hebrews 11:1... "Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see." ....and..... Hebrews 9:27&28, "Just as man is destined to die once, and after that to face judgment, so Christ was sacrificed once to take away the sins of many people; not to bear sin, but to bring salvation to those who are waiting for Him."

As long as God gives me breath I will pray : Please God use me to let other people know that there is only one way to heaven. That nothing they do will gain them entrance, and nothing that they do can get them into hell. Except if they deny that the one and only way to the Father is through Jesus' redemption of our sins on the cross. Let them have ears to hear your truth! AMEN!!!

So......... HAVE YOU ASKED JESUS TO FORGIVE YOU????????????? DO YOU BELIEVE THAT HE DIED FOR YOU?????????? DO YOU BELIEVE THAT HE IS WHO HE SAYS HE IS?????????? THE CHOICE IS YOURS AND YOURS ALONE!!!!!!!!!

A quote from Max Lucado's "God Came Near" : "Bloodstained royalty. A God with tears. A creator with a heart. God became earth's mockery to save his children. How absurd to think that such nobility would go to such poverty to share such a treasure with such thankless souls. But he did. In fact, the only thing more absurd than the gift is our stubborn unwillingness to receive it."

Chasing After the Wind

This little adventure started just a bit over a week ago. To some it may not seem exciting at all, but to me anytime that God is willing to show me some new truth that is exciting!

It began with a plant. One that had grown too big and needed to be trimmed down. My Dad and Step-mom gave me the stem with the leaves and a pot and even a table to sit the plant on. All I had to do was get the soil to plant it in, and put the stem with leaves in a vase. They told me that if I let the stem sit in the vase for a week that it should begin to grow roots and then I could transplant it. Well, a week had passed and I had yet to see the roots appear. I told my Dad about it and he told me that if the roots hadn't grown yet, they most likely would not at all. So of course, I was ready to throw the stem away. But as I pulled the stem out of the vase, lo and behold, what did I see but two tiny reindeer.... No just kidding, there were roots!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! When I least expected to find signs of new life, God proved me wrong!

It got me thinking about what Solomon said.... "There is a time for everything, and a season for every purpose under heaven" (Ecclesiastes 3:1). As I read further in Solomon's words of wisdom, I came across Ecclesiastes chapter 2. Here Solomon relates how he feels about all the hard work that he has done in his lifetime. He says that all his work will accomplish nothing for him, and will only benefit those who come after him. It is "meaningless, a chasing after the wind". In future verses, he goes on to describe that "the oppressed have no comforter, and power is on the side of the oppressors"(Eccles. 4:1). He also says that "man's fate is like that of the animals; the same fate awaits them both: As one dies, so dies the other.... all come from dust, and to dust all return" (Eccl. 3:19&20).

I have had these same emotions. What good is all the hard work that I do? I don't even know if I'll have enough money for me when I grow old let alone to leave to my children. What good is all the suffering that I go through now? I long to teach my children what it means to love in spite of hurt that others cause. But the world teaches that justice must be served. That a man should repay in kind what has been done to him. The voices of those who care nothing about God's commands seek to drown out the truth that I try to pass on. What good is it for me to even speak the truth now? I am only human. Will people not see all the faults that I have? Will they even listen to anything that I have to say? When I am gone, will they all just say that I was just an old fool who was full of my own self-righteousness? Will they ever see the work that God was doing in me?

But amidst all my worries of what will or will not become of my life, I read this truth.... "What does the worker gain from his toil? I have seen the burden God has laid on men. He has made everything beautiful in it's time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end..... I know that everything that God does will endure forever; nothing can be added to it and nothing taken from it. God does it so that men will revere him." (Eccles. 3:9-11&14).

So, the bottom line is that nothing in this life is meaningless. Nothing is a chasing after the wind. Because when it comes right down to it, God has a purpose for everything in our lives. What I do with my life now is what matters. My life began, I am living it, but someday it will come to an end. Just like the plant that I had given up hope of ever taking root. The one that I was ready to throw away because of what I didn't see. But God saw more in that plant, and He sees more in me. I am living because He has purpose for me, even in the midst of all my struggles. And even if I can't see the good that He will bring out of all of those struggles, I am still called to live as God has asked me to. Because He has a plan, and none of His plans are meaningless. So as Solomon says, "Go, eat your food with gladness, and drink your wine with a joyful heart, for it is now that God favors what you do..... Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with all your might, for in the grave, where you are going, there is neither working or planning nor knowledge or wisdom.... Moreover, no man knows when his hour will come." (Eccles. 9:7,10&12).

God, let me live out all of my days knowing that if I am living for you nothing is meaningless. Let me not be afraid of what might not come of my life. But let me lean on your understanding and know that you will accomplish what you have purposed for my life. And that is all that matters in the end!! AMEN!!!!!!!!

When the Giant Falls

Here I sit in at my computer thinking that I should be going to bed now. But I just finished watching a movie, and it made such a huge impression on me that I had to come write now before I forgot what I wanted and needed to say.

This movie was about a high school football coach. From the very beginning it was clear that this man was not living on Easy Street. Not financially or in any other way. It seemed that everything was going wrong for him. His football team was losing every game. His car was on it's last leg. The house that he and his wife owned was older and had many things that needed to be fixed. His players didn't have their hearts in the game. People were having meetings behind his back about firing him and replacing him with a new coach. And he found out after four years of trying to have children that it was impossible for him to reproduce. No human being on the face of this earth can fault the man for asking "What is God doing in all of this?"

And yet, he made one simple choice. No matter how difficult or overwhelming were the obstacles in his life, he would hand each and every concern or worry or doubt over to God. And he would trust and praise God in every circumstance. Whether he liked the outcome or not.

The name of this movie was "Facing the Giants".

1 Samuel Ch. 17 details the moments leading up to David coming face to face with a Philistine giant. If you don't already know the story, the Israelite army was set to fight a battle with the Philistine army. But they were all afraid. Matter of fact, they were even afraid to go up against even one of the Philistines. As they all stood quaking in their boots, David came to bring his brothers bread and grain. He heard the giant shouting at the Israelites and determined in his heart to end the ranting of the Philistine. He appeared before the king, Saul, who told him that he was only a boy and that he was unable to fight such a giant. After David convinced Saul to let him go up against the Philistine, Saul tried to protect David by having him use his armor. But David wanted nothing to do with it. He went with only five smooth stones and a sling. The outcome he left in the hands of God Almighty. 1 Samuel 17:45-46&48-50 say, "David said to the Philistine, 'You come against me with sword and spear and javelin, but I come against you in the name of the Lord Almighty, the God of the armies of Israel, whom you have defied. This day the Lord will hand you over to me'.... As the Philistine moved closer to attack him, David ran quickly toward the battle line to meet him. Reaching into his bag and taking out a stone, he slung it and struck the Philistine on the forehead. The stone sank into his forehead, and he fell facedown on the ground. So David triumphed over the Philistine with a sling and a stone; without a sword in his hand he struck down the Philistine and killed him."

David conquered the giant because of his faith in God Almighty. Not because of his own wisdom or strength. He chose to listen to God instead of those who only looked at what they could see. His hope was in the unseen.

And so was the hope of the coach in the movie. And because of that faith, God moved in mighty ways to prove that He is indeed who he says he is. The team played football in a manner that would give glory to the God that gave them life. They decided that win or lose they would praise God. So their hearts and their individual lives were changed. Others in their school were influenced and a revival occurred. The team began to win games. The coach not only kept his job, but also received a raise. He also received a brand new truck from one of the players and his dad to replace his non-working vehicle. The team lost a playoff game, but the "winning" team was disqualified, and thus the coach and his team went to the state finals. The name of the team they faced was the Giants. The guys were big, and they had almost three times as many guys on their team. The Eagles, as they saw the Giants run out on the field, were intimidated. They were getting clobbered for awhile, but then they were reminded to go out and give it all they had, to leave the outcome to God, and praise Him no matter what the outcome. When all was said and done, David the second string kicker, kicked the winning goal. But he knew and so did every member of the team that it was God's doing that they had won. And God was glorified as He should have been. Lives were changed because people saw the power of God at work in the members of that team.

And that is exactly what I want to happen in my life. So keep watching. Because God is at work in me and my family. Even when everything looks hopeless. Someday the giants in my life will fall. And when they do, I know exactly to whom I will be giving all of the glory!!!!!!!!

By the way, the coach's wife also found out that God had performed another miracle. She found out the day of the state finals that she was going to have a baby! It may have been a movie, but indeed that is the work of the God that I serve and love!!!!!!

God, in your word, Matthew 19:26 it says, "Jesus looked at them and said, ' With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible' ". And that is exactly what I believe!!!!! You are the one true God and your will will be accomplished and your name glorified in my life!! Thank you for allowing me to be a part of your plan to show people your love and mercy and power!!! In your mighty name, AMEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Follow the Leader

Today I had a decision to make. It was not an easy one. At times I can be steadfast in what I know is true and what I know that God has called me to do. And other times, I all too easily let the opinions of others sway my decision making.

This morning one of the people in the office that I work at had a big mess in his office. The roof of our building was being repaired because it has been leaking for some time now. Apparently the men were working on the area just above this particular office, when suddenly the poor man's ceiling caved in. There was a gushing sound and within a minute there was water all over everything. And pieces of ceiling tiles were mixed in with it. Fortunately the man was not in there, so he didn't get drenched in the process. But the sight that we walked in to see seemed impossible to clean up. It was hard to even know where to start. Well, we finally did get things covered up and moved out, but there was still quite a bit of a mess left.

Later when the man came into work, I was struck at the thought of how he must feel walking into an office that was such a disaster. He even showed me a handprint that his son had made that was ruined. I felt sad for him. There are times when this man has been known to be very crabby. And like all of us at times, has been hard to work with on occasion. It's not always easy to want to do nice things for someone who can snap so easily at me sometimes. But I felt God move in my heart. In spite of past occurences, I was feeling the leading to help him clean whatever I could. Again, I will repeat, this was not me. It was completely the Holy Spirit, because I had things of my own to do, and I was feeling pretty good about myself for the part that I had already played in helping clear out his office. But then I realized that God was calling me to do more.

One of the women that I work with pretty much warned me away from going in and helping any further. Or should I say that I was politely told not to. I think that she had the best of intentions. Maybe she figured that I would get my head chewed off if I tried to go in and help. But still I was feeling the urging of the Spirit to go help anyway. So I somewhat reluctantly went to get a mop. When that offer was refused, I figured "Ok, I tried.". So I went and sat down. But the man's sister said she was going in to help him clean up. She reminded me of an email that I had sent her a few days ago about random acts of kindness. And with that I was very quickly convicted that I indeed needed to go in that office and do whatever I could to help out.

Titus 3:1-5 says, "Remind the people to be subject to rulers and authorities, to be obedient, to be ready to do whatever is good, to slander no one, to be peacable and considerate, and to show true humility toward all men. At one time we too were foolish, disobedient, deceived and enslaved by all kinds of passions and pleasures. We lived in malice and envy, being hated and hating one another. But when the kindness and love of God our Savior appeared, he saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy." I am called to behave in a manner that is opposite of how my human nature tells me to act. God asks me to be respectful and obedient, and to show kindness to others in the hopes that they will see to the deepest places of my heart. To know that the goodness in me is not motivated in any way by self, but by the God of everything. By the Son of God who was sent to earth to be a living sacrifice for every man. In that He showed the ultimate of kindness, so I in return should be willing to do even the smallest things to show His love!

After I went through with helping clean in the man's office, I could feel the tension from some of the people I work with. I'm sure that they were thinking that I was kissing up. I must be honest- I struggled with wanting to only do a little cleaning so I wouldn't catch too much heck from some of them. But as I continued to clean, I felt the peace of God in my heart. After all, the opinions of man are only temporary. The opinion of God Almighty is the only one that truly matters!!!!!! Luke 9:23-25 says, " Then he said to them all, ' If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will save it. What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, and yet lose or forfeit his very self?" I guess what I'm saying is that if I have to choose one person to follow, man or Jesus, I know which leader I choose to follow!!!!!!

Lord, thank you for today. Thank you for teaching me this lesson. I pray that from this day forward you will help me to live in a manner that shows the world how much you love them. Even it is just by one small random act of kindness at a time! Thank you for choosing to use me when I am so unworthy! Thank you for your unfailing love! AMEN!!!!!!

Unbreakable

I want to know what it is about me that makes me hold onto things so tightly. I want to know if there are things that I want so badly that I just don't want to believe that I can't have them. Or maybe it's because God has given me the desire to cling tenaciously to His promises.

Whichever the case may be, I have found that I am an extremely stubborn individual! I have been known to cling to something that I want with a vise grip. Especially if I feel like I'm being told "no". That just makes me want the unattainable all the more. What can I say? I am determined. At times it would seem that I have an unbreakable will. My sinful nature chooses to hang on for dear life to things that could be detrimental to me just because I think that I need them.

Then there are some things that I believe that God put in my life, but they just aren't quite what they should be. So God needs to be able to tweak them just a bit. Or maybe alot. But no matter how much needs to be changed, the fact of the matter is that it does need to be changed! I realized something the other day. I was watching my friend with her little girl. My friend had something that her daughter wanted, but it needed to be worked on a bit before her little one was ready to get it back. I remember hearing my friend say, "Let me fix it for you". And then I recall seeing that beautiful but impatient little miss reaching and whimpering repeatedly for what she wanted from her mom. Little did she know that the reason that her mom wasn't giving it to her yet was not because she was a big bad meanie, but because she knew that it needed to be made better before it was acceptable for her baby girl. And that was when it hit me- KAPOW!!!! That is exactly what God does for me! He refuses to give me things that He knows still need to be worked on. They need to be fixed before I can receive them in the condition that God knows is best suited for me. And I like the little girl, throw a temper tantrum because I'm not getting the things I want when I think that I should get them.

Another possibility is that I need to be fixed too!!!! Since when do I know better than God? I don't! So maybe in order for me to be "fixed", I need to be humbled before the Lord. I need to be willing to submit my every desire to Him and be at peace with knowing that God only gives what He knows is best for me. And I need to accept the fact that I am not promised that I will obtain all the things that I hope for in this life. And if I don't I need to be ok with that. Because God is holy, and mighty, and just. And He deserves my most humble heart and selfless obedience. Psalm 51:15-17 says, "O Lord, open my lips, and my mouth will declare your praise. You do not delight in sacrifice or I would bring it; you do not take pleasure in burnt offerings. The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise."

After close scrutiny of the choices that I have before me, I have come to the conclusion that a life lived following my own desires is no life at all. True living can only be attained by humility of heart; in realizing that I am the created and in no way equal to my Creator. And through complete and utter obedience; knowing that in following God's leading I will be given only the best - God's best!

Heavenly Father, I agree with David in Psalm 86:10-13 when he says, "For You are great and do marvelous deeds; you alone are God. Teach me your way, O Lord, and I will walk in your truth; give me an undivided heart, that Imay fear your name forever. For great is your love toward me; you have delivered me from the depths of the grave." My greatest desires, hopes and plans are nothing without your guidance. I ask that my thoughts and dreams will be so entertwined with your plans for me that the only thing unbreakable about me will be my faith and trust in You!!!!!!! AMEN!!!!!!!!!

Kristin Versus the Volcano

I think I need to go to Hawaii. Yes, that is exactly what I need to do. It's time for a nice little trip so I can clear my head. You see, I think that I have discovered that I have a "brain cloud". That can be the only explanation for the strange behavior that I find myself exhibiting lately.... I mean, why on earth would I be acting this way if there wasn't some strange disease that was clouding my judgement? So that's why I've decided that it's time to go to the edge of the volcano. Maybe once I get there and look over into the deep, roiling, angry lake of fire that lies below- maybe then I will come to my senses.

Then again, maybe I'm not going off the deep end after all. It all depends on which perspective you're looking from....

Perspective # 1: The professional opinion of those who don't give a whit about what God thinks... "She's a nut job! She's lost it!"

Perspective # 2: The thoughts of those who believe in God, but think that it's safest to proceed with caution.... "She's still nuts!"

Perspective #3: The point of view of those who know that God is capable of miracles.... "Right on Sister!!!!!!"

To be honest, sometimes I think I am nuts! Here I am in a situation that for all intents and purposes seems hopeless! The ultimate of lost causes! I want to spend my life with someone who doesn't want to give love a fighting chance. Why on earth would I subject myself to such a painful existence?

The answer is simple: Because God won't let me give up!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Whenever I feel like telling love to take a leap, God binds it like an anchor to my heart. And He reminds me that even when I am at my worst, I am not a lost cause. So why should this relationship be any different?

I couldn't find anything Biblical to back up my wild notions until someone pointed me in the right direction. She told me that I should check out the story of Hannah in 1 Samuel Chapter 1. Hannah, like me, longed for something desperately. She watched as another woman received the gift that she had so dreamed of. "Year after year" her prayers were not answered, and she "wept and would not eat". But still she continued to pray!!! In a town called Shiloh, Hannah made her way to the temple where she once again lifted her heart's desire to God. 1 Samuel 1:10&11 say, "In bitterness of soul Hannah wept much and prayed to the Lord. And she made a vow saying, 'O Lord Almighty, if you will only look upon your servant's misery and remember me, and not forget your servant, but give her a son, then I will give him to the Lord for all the days of his life.....". 1 Samuel 1:20 says, "So in the course of time Hannah conceived and gave birth to a son. She named him Samuel saying, 'Because I asked the Lord for him.'" The desire of my heart may differ somewhat from Hannah's ..... She wanted a son, and I want a husband who loves God first and then me second. But we are the same in this... God made Hannah persistent in her prayers for her heart's desire, and now He is doing the same in me!!

In the end, whenever that might be, may God be glorified in this marriage as He was in the birth of Samuel!!

I guess I won't be taking any trips to Hawaii any time soon after all.......

Thank you God that although I am a weak human being and don't have the desire or the strength to stay this course, You will not allow me to fall away. Uphold me and carry me when I need it, and may all the people who know me someday say, "God is a God of miracles!". AMEN!!!!!!!!