Determined

This won't be long. I'm so very over tired! But I just had to put what I've been feeling into words!

Separation. The word is ugly to me. It means that something that God has joined together is broken. It means that our sin is wreaking havoc in our family. It means that Satan has won a battle and is jumping for joy at the prospect that yet another marriage might be in ruins..... Well, let me tell you something- he may have won a battle, but he WILL NOT have the victory!!

You see, God has made me a very stubborn individual. Sometimes that is very much to my detriment. But at times like these, it is very much a gift from God!

Tim says that he doesn't know what he wants, so he needs time and space to figure things out. I could choose to see that as the end of our relationship and the end of our family. I could decide to throw in the towel. I could try to justify my actions by saying that I don't want to be hurt any more and that I've been patient for a long time already. I could walk away like he did and never look back. But then we would just be another statistic. Another chain in the vicious cycle of divorce.

In spite of my hurt, and I must admit my impatience, I am still aware that God is so much more powerful than any evil that is at work in this world. I know that the battle that I must wage is one of prayer. And I know that regardless of how many times I feel the sting of rejection, I must never give up on praying that God restores and reconciles our marriage and family! I will join with Ruth in saying, "Don't urge me to leave you or to turn back from you. Where you go, I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God. Where you die I will die, and there will I be buried. May the Lord deal with me, be it ever so severely, if anything but death separates you and me." (Ruth 1:16-17).

The fact of the matter is that we are separated. But that is not my decision. I can only do what I know that God is calling me to do. And that is to cling to Him and trust Him that if the Spirit is leading me to pray than God is already at work in our marriage.

Father, help me to be determined not to give up what you have called me to do! Help me to stay the course no matter how long it takes. Allow me to be an example to Tim and the kids so that they will see what Your love is all about. Thank you God for the love that you give that has no ulterior motives. Help me to love Tim like you do so he will see that your love is truly unfailing love! AMEN!