Perspective

Today like the last few Sunday mornings, I got to church just in the nick of time; just as the service was beginning. As usual I had to find a place towards the back of the pews. This time I was in the very last row. There was a woman sitting there and I asked her if the seat next to her was taken. She smiled at me and said no. So I sat next to her. And when we all greeted each other, she introduced herself to me. I told her my name as well, and then we sat down to hear the songs that the choir was to sing. The director of the choir said that they had prayed and asked God what the theme of the concert should be. Apparently God had laid on their hearts that people needed encouragement because so many people were going through such difficult situations. I remember when I first sat next to this woman wondering if she was a widow. Maybe I just wondered. Maybe God was giving me a clue that He was at work. That He had already determined that I would sit next to her and meet her.

The concert went on, and there was a skit about a woman going through a divorce. As it was, the songs were making me sob. But when that skit was being performed, I shook from the tears and the emotions that I'd apparently been holding back. I noticed the woman next to me was crying as well.

When the service came to an end, I was emotionally drained. I didn't really feel like talking. I honestly just wanted to leave. But God had other plans in mind. The woman next to me told me that the music had made her cry as she thought of her husband. She said that he had passed away in January. As we were walking out I told her that I had been crying because of Tim leaving. She said she would pray for me, and I said I would do the same for her. As we continued to walk out of the sanctuary, she told me in a little more detail that a friend of hers had asked she and her husband to church over 30 years ago. At that time she had realized her need for a Savior. But apparently her husband took the next 30 some odd years to figure out that he had that same need. He had learned that he had pancreatic cancer and didn't have long to live. It took a long time for him to come to his decision, but thank God that he did!!!

I went home and Tim came over and was helping with some things here that needed to be fixed. He was in a bad mood from the time that he got here. Only God knows why for sure. As the day went on, he said that he was going to have to leave no later than 5:00. We were planning to take the kids to the park, but were just resting a bit before we left. I remember that Tim told me that he would probably have the day off on Friday and that he could probably watch the kids. But then he asked if he could have the kids for the night. That's when I REALLY lost it! You see, this Friday is our 10th Anniversary. And he just came right out and told me that he didn't have any intentions of coming back, so he didn't plan on celebrating our anniversary. I wanted with everything in me to tell him that he is a coward for running away from our lives. That he is selfish for not even trying to work things out. But in the end, I didn't. And even if I had it wouldn't have mattered. I told my friend that I was selfish. I didn't want to have to wait (ike that woman next to me) for 30-some years for Tim to figure things out. It seems like it's been so long already.....

But..... (you knew that was coming, didn't you?)...... 2 Corinthians 4:17-18 says, "For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal."

So what does that mean for me? Well as my wise friend pointed out, it means that I have a choice. I can either choose to live my life for what would make me happiest on earth, or I can choose to do what I know that God is asking of me. And I must be willing to surrender everything that I desire in order to do that. That means that if it were to take Tim 30-some odd years to figure things out, then I will still stick by him. I will still pray for him. And I will still love him, even if he chooses not to love me.....

Lord, I ask that You give me the strength to overcome this battle before me. I can't do this without you. More than my own desires, I long to see Tim in a relationship with you Lord that will satisfy the longing that he feels. And above all I desire to know that he will be with you for all of eternity. I don't know what the future holds for us, but you do!! I know that you have promised that you have plans for my future! Whatever they may be, Lord, I ask that you will help me to continue to love and pray for Tim, so when I enter eternity I can say that I did what you called me to do. May I not focus on what is seen, but fix my eyes on Jesus. May I live my life for what will make a difference for all of eternity!! AMEN!!